100 Funny Family Quotes

Family is the most important and closest part of our lives. It’s because we spent most of the time with our family members. You can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your relations because they are God-given. Hence, we should respect our close relations more than anything.

Living with a family means you need to be the master of one-liners and quotes. Most of the relations are quirky and it’s the reason why you should be ready with some funny family quotes that can add more joy to your conversations. Here are some of the quotes that can make you smile. So, let’s enjoy a laugh together.

Quotes for Family:

  1. Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.
  2. Families are like fudge … mostly sweet with a few nuts.
  3. My family is boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.
  4. “Tennis just a game, a family is forever.” – Serena Williams
  5. A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
  6. If you don’t believe in ghosts, you’ve never been to a family reunion.
  7. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
  8. The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.
  9. Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.
  10. “Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.”
  11. Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.
  12. In some families, “please” is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was “sorry.”
  13. “The family – that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.
  14. All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
  15. Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.
  16. “In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.”
  17. I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom.
  18. Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.
  19. “Family life is too intimate to be preserved by the spirit of justice. It can be sustained by a spirit of love which goes beyond justice.”
  20. The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.
  21. Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie – not perfect but who’s complaining?
  22. “Spread the love. Hug the people you care about and make sure they know that you care and appreciate them. Make it known to your friends and family that you love them.
  23. As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
  24. In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.
  25. “The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst.
  26. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
  27. When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.
  28. “Family is a unique gift that needs to be appreciated and treasured, even when they’re driving you crazy. As much as they make you mad, interrupt you, annoy you, curse at you, try to control you, these are the people who know you the best and who love you.”
  29. Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.
  30. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going
  31. “Family life contributes immensely to an individual’s happiness. Only in happy home life can complete contentment be found.”
  32. Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
  33. If I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
  34. “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its way.”
  35. One day you will do things for me that you hate. That is what it means to be family.
  36. Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
  37. “Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
  38. From the ages of 8-18, I and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would get up to go to the fridge.
  39. In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced on television.
  40. Family is just an accident…They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.
  41. I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.
  42. You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
  43. If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that members, not present, and subjects discussed were the same.
  44. Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.
  45. Whether family life is physically harmful is still in dispute. The incidence of men who go down with a coronary upon learning that their teenage daughters are in the pudding club is indisputably higher among family men than among those who have never indulged; so is indigestion, backache, alcoholism, and going purple in the face when the bath is full of tights and knickers.
  46. In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.
  47. Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
  48. In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are at least two-thirds incontinent.
  49. One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s kin and kith, were more fun to be with.
  50. Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.
  51. The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended – and not to take a hint when a hint is not intended.
  52. I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.
  53. A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.
  54. If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
  55. The families of one’s friends are always a disappointment.
  56. The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.
  57. I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
  58. Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
  59. Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex, and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.
  60. For the first time, I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life’s list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
  61. Bleeding ulcers run in my family. We give them to each other.
  62. Humans are not proud of their ancestors and rarely invite them round to dinner.
  63. I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
  64. Never let an angry sister comb your hair.
  65. Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl – no superior alternative has yet been found.
  66. I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?
  67. Never judge someone by their relatives.
  68. I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
  69. The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.
  70. If the family were a fruit, it would be orange. It’s a circle of sections, held together but separable – each segment distinct.
  71. Families like butt cheeks, shit may come between them, but they always come back together.
  72. Having a big family around is a good way to make sure there will always be someone to answer the phone – and forget the message.
  73. Home is wherever my bunch of crazies are.
  74. Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future.
  75. Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.
  76. Family: We may not have it all together but together we have it all.
  77. My family is tempermental. Half temper. Half mental.
  78. I smile because you are my family…I laugh because there’s nothing I can do about it.

Quotes for kids   

  1. No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement.
  2. You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.
  3. Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.
  4. Siblings: Children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.
  5. Teenagers, are you tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? Act now. Move out, get a job, and pay your bills–while you still know everything.
  6. Posterity is the patriotic name for grandchildren
  7. No one likes change but babies in diapers.
  8. A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
  9. Mother Nature is wonderful. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.
  10. There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.
  11. There are only two things a child will share willingly—communicable diseases and his mother’s age.
  12. Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.
  13. Children are a great comfort in your old age—and they help you reach it faster, too.
  14. All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
  15. The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.
  16. Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.
  17. Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don’t have the top for
  18. Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children.
  19. In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced on television.
  20. When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
  21. Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.
  22. Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.


Family might be overwhelming sometimes, but in the end, it matters the most for most of us. Knowing that someone feels the same love for you as you do for him or she is a great feel. It’s the reason why we shared 100 funny family quotes so that you can share a laugh. A smile every day keeps all the stress away.

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